Ladies, Gentlemen and Vaark friends. Welcome to this, the 2018 Vaark Winter Olympic Opening Ceremony.
We see the athletes now, parading into the arena bearing Olympic flags, the Union Flag and the Party Ring flag of the Salford Clan.
And now, Ernest enters the arena, bearing the Olympic flame, followed by Arnold, bearing the Olympic fire extinguisher. Just in case.
Ernest lifts the torch with great dignity, to light the Olympic Cauldron.
The Cauldron is lit! The Games may officially begin! Join us tomorrow for the first competition….