Oh, hello! Here’s Winston, Vincent and Fury having a meeting. I wonder if it’s about Winston’s new business venture?
Hello you lot. What are you talking about?
Not saying? Oh! It’s a secret? Well!
I’ll leave them to it then. Unless…
Perhaps I can hear what they’re saying from here.
*Nonchalant whistling*
It’s no good, I’m not going to find anything out. I’ll just have to wait and see!
So after all the excitement yesterday, I was up early, but Winston had already got up and gone out according to Vincent. He said something about suitable attire. Oh, here he comes now!
I say! A camel coat! Winston says all the best legit businessvaarks have camel coats. And now he’s going to be moving in those circles, he’ll need it. I wonder what his big plan is!? He says we’ll have to wait and see…
Well. You remember that urn Winston got in a job lot, and took to the museum and it turned out to be really old and valuable? Well, we’ve come to see it auctioned! Turns out Arnold has a job as security at the auction house.
The auctioneer has started. There are a few lots to go before the Urn so we’ll just sit and enjoy watching the auction.
The first lot is this Landscape, in pencils. The auctioneer opens the bidding at £1000!
“Are you bidding sir?” “No! Says Arnold, I’m just amazed at the value!”
Ofelia suggests that Arnold wear his Easter bonnet to keep his ears under control, but he’s not sure it suits his working image. So Ernest fetches his motorbike helmet, which is more in keeping.
The landscape sold to a bidder at the back of the room. Next up, a… well, I think it’s a portrait. It’s a bit odd. Apparently it’s by a very famous painter though, and it sold for £10,000!
The next item is a very ancient cannon, recovered from a shipwreck. The auctioneer looks a bit worried being at the business end! Fury says she’d buy it, if only she had the money, but it’s too valuable for her.
Now, some sculpture. Peggy wants a closer look, but Gino doesn’t think it’s suitable for a lady! He can be a bit old fashioned.
Right now, it’s time for the urn. Winston is quite nervous now! The auctioneer describes it as a fine example of Early Greek Vaark era ceramic, embellished with heroic figures, in perfect condition.
Oh! The phone’s ringing, It’s a phone bidder from overseas. How exciting!
It STARTS at £10,000! £20,000! £30,000 Oh my! Oh my! It just keeps going up! £500,000! Still going! £750,000! £1000,000! In the room. Is that it? Any more bids? Yes, the phone bidder is back! £1,250,000! All done? Going, Going… GONE! Down comes the gavel.
Oh heck. Winston’s fainted again. Ernest fetches the smelling salts, but he’s still out cold.
Fury says she’ll sort it. Not sure she ought to be throwing water round in here, but anyway…
Well, that woke him up. He whispers “Is it all a dream?” Ofelia brings him a cup of strong sweet tea and reassures him that it’s really happened. He’s a millionaire!
So while Arnold mops up the water, the auctioneer explains that the money, minus commission and fees of course, will be cleared in a few days. The urn has sold to a very important collection overseas.
Bernard says that if Winston wants any investment advice, he’d be happy to help. Winston says thank you, but he’s got a business plan he can finally go ahead with now!
And so, back home, to celebrate an astonishing day. Winston’s still in a bit of a daze.
Er Nano, I wouldn’t sit there if I were… Oh!
“Wheeeeeee!” says Nano, “What fun!” What fun indeed!
Do you remember that old pot Bernard spotted on Winston’s stall at the fete, that he thought might be quite old? Well, he’s made an appointment with the curator at the Museum to check. They’ve come early to look round. Vincent’s tagged along too.
Winston’s wrapped the pot up to protect it. Bit of a struggle getting his trolley in up the steps though!
Wow. The first thing you see in the entrance is the huge Vaarkosaurus Rex. Imagine a time when these creatures roamed the earth. Millions of years ago. They went extinct when a meteorite wiped out all the primeval biscuits.
And to think, the Vaarkosaurs laid eggs! How colourful their nests must have been!
These fossils are even older – before the vaarkosaurs even! Vincent reckons they look like the sort of thing Matilda would sell on her crystal stall. Winston thinks they look like raisins.
What’s this? Ah the Natural History section. All sorts of taxidermy. Vincent says the armadillo looks like Bernard’s stripes. And the elephant reminds them of Ernest. Even the seal is a little bit vaarkish, with it’s dumpy body.
But really, human beings are the oddest looking creatures!
Ah now, we’re onto the Vaarks Through the Ages Gallery. Here’s a prehistoric cave vaark. Dressed in fur and wool and feathers. Vincent thinks it’s amazing how they managed to do so much with just axes like that.
Oh! The Egyptian era now. The magnificent Tut-anh-vaark-mun sarcophagus. Awesome. And so much gold!
Bernard explained that the mummies kept their organs in jars like this. Vincent said he’d seen Dim playing the organ and it would never fit in there.
Winston was surprised by the Sphinx. He’d always thought it would be bigger.
What next? Ah, yes, the Romans. A fine recreation of a Centurion. Vincent likes the shield, even if he could barely see over it.
Winston wondered if they’d run out of them little stones for the mosaic? But Bernard explained that it’s very old, and it’s got damaged over the years, probably by drains and such like.
Here is a depiction of Christopher Columvaark. He discovered America, and therefore cookies, by accident. He was trying to find a new route to China by going the wrong way. What luck!
Next, a Victorian crinoline. The chaps looked at it, and agreed it was a frock, and moved on.
Ooh, more up to date vaark fashion and culture now. Vincent said it reminded him of Fury, Winston asked Bernard if he’d ever been a punk…
“God lord no, what makes you think that!”
The last ‘costume’ exhibit is the famous space suit, in which Ratvaark did his space walk. Winston pondered what happened if you flicked the switch. Bernard moved him on swiftly.
What’s next? The Ceramics gallery. Vincent likes this big jug. Careful not to jog the stand Vincent!
Phew! Well caught. Move on quickly!
This exhibit reminds Winston of his suitcase stock. Bernard remarked that it’s because they are all telling different times…. Talking of time, it’s time to go to the appointment with the curator…
Winston and Vincent reckon the chairs in the waiting area are quite grand – but Bernard tells them to get off the Charles Rennie Vaarkintosh exhibit!
Ah, and here’s the Curator. He says his name is Henry, and they should bring the urn into his office.
Henry looks over the urn very carefully, and finally tells Winston that it is indeed a very rare Grecian Urn, and extremely valuable. Maybe thousands of pounds!
Good grief Winston’s fainted! He’s never had anything really valuable in stock before!
Henry fetches him a reviving cup of tea, and says he can recommend a fine art auction house to handle the sale. What a turn up!
Winston here, I’m nearly set up for me exclusive Black Friday Event. I mean, this ain’t just a Sale, it’s an Event! Just one more sign to put up…
Vincent has been trying to practise tricks on his skateboard. He tried practising on the raised beds, but Bernard told him off when he knocked a flowerpot over. And, Bernard said, it was scaring the chicken.
It’s all getting very busy on the Vaarklife Festival site! Fury arrived early with a trailer load of stuff. Then she used the crane to hoist the Glamping Pods into place, under Winston’s instructions.
Winston Vaark ‘ere.
It’s Vaarklife festival comin’ up and I’ve ‘ad one of me ideas, so I’m doing some research online.
Winston ‘ere. I’ve ‘ad a good day out at Ffairfach Auction Mart. The best thing is, it’s pronounced “fa-vark!” Lots of stuff on sale, but a bit slow on the watch sales front. Never mind.
Winston had a trip out today, to Levenshulme Repair Cafe to see how it all worked. He set himself up with a nice coffee first of all.
