Vaarklife ’18 – the Saturday set.

The three guitarists rock together

HELLOOOOOOOO VAARKLIFE! It’s time to get the festival started! And as is traditional, our opening act is the great Status Quo! Let’s Rock!

The vaarks all gather to watch Status Quo on stage

Oh here we are and here we are and here we go

All aboard and we’re hittin’ the road

Here we go-oh

Rockin’ all over the world

Look at them go! Woohoo! We love it when the guitarists rock together!

The three guitarists rock together

Well, that was a great start! We’re all fired up now. So welcome to our next act – it’s bearded rockers ZZ Top! Woo!

The vaarks watch as ZZ Top play on stage.

Gimme all your lovin’

All your hugs and kisses too

Gimme all your lovin’

Don’t let up until we’re through

Ooh, what’s that engine noise!?

Wow! They brought the Hot Rod! Fury says that’s the best bit about this act! She’d love to have a tinker with it!

Our next segment is a new idea for Vaarklife – a themed medley! Ernest seems to be standing by….

Ernest is at the side of the stage in the hi-vis vest with the fire extinguisher

Ah! It’s Prodigy, with Firestarter!

Ernest looks at Ratvaark who is dressed as the lead singer of Prodigy

I’m the trouble starter, punkin’ instigator

I’m the fear addicted, danger illustrated

I’m a firestarter, twisted firestarter

I spent ages in make-up having my ears styled for this… And thankfully I didn’t do anything to upset Ernest.

Ratvaark’s ears have been styled to match the pointy hair of the singer

Oh, now Ernest looks a bit concerned…

Ernest looks at something on stage

Ah, yes, it’s the Crazy World of Arthur Brown, with Fire! Yeah, that hat on fire is a bit worrying…

Ernest is looking at Hypnovaark who is dressed in a white robe with a flaming headress, like Arthur Brown


I am the god of hell fire, and I bring you!

Fire, I’ll take you to burn.

Fire, I’ll take you to learn.

I’ll see you burn!

A close up of hypnovaark dressed as Arthur Brown

Well, this next act seems safe enough. Julie Driscoll and Brian Auger, with Wheels on Fire. Nothing to worry about…

Vincent and Ofelia sing into microphones

This wheel’s on fire

Rolling down the road,

Best notify my next of kin

This wheel shall explode…

Ah. Argh! Ernest!

A pair of wheels, trailing flames, roll across the stage

Catch them Ernest!

Ernest chases the flaming wheels across the stage

Phew. All out safety. Perhaps next year we’ll find a safer theme for a medley!

The wheels smoulder by the side of the stage as Ernest extinguishes them

Now, it’s time for our big Saturday afternoon act! All the way from America… It’s the Village People! Please welcome: The Construction Worker!

Fury is dressed as a construction worker

The Cowboy!

Vincent is dressed as a cowboy

The Sailor!

Bernard is dressed as a sailor

The Native American!

Ernest is dressed as an Indian Chief

The Cop!

Winston is dressed as a cop

The… Hang on. Where’s the Leather Jacket guy?

The line up look at each other, puzzled

Then a voice says “Do you need a guy in a leather jacket?” Hold on. Is it…?

The line up and the crowd look at a snozzle appearing from behind the stage


The line up rush to hug Arnold as the crowd press forward

It’s chaos here, the crowd have rushed the stage and we’re all having a massive wiffle-hug with Arnold. We’re so happy to see him again!

The crowd have rushed onto the stage to embrace Arnold

Arnold explained that he’d decided to fly back so as to get home as quickly as possible, and the bike is being shipped. So, if we need him, he’ll join in!

Arnold explains to everyone about flying home

Right, well, if we can have some order again. As I was saying, please welcome the Village People, with their biggest hit – YMCA!

Ratvaark announces the band again

Young man, there’s no need to feel down

I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground

I said, young man, ’cause you’re in a new town

There’s no need to be unhappy

The Village People dance on stage

(Please note, the GI was unavailable, so we went with a later line up)

Y M C A !

Now, we’ll have a little break from the music. Winston has turned the glamping lights on, and we’re all sitting around with a snack and listening to Arnold tell us all about his adventures. It’s so good to have him home!

All the vaarks sit around in the glow of the fairy lights talking to Arnold.

Once it got dark the stage lit up for the evening set! First up: it’s Mike Oldfield’s Tubular Bells!

It is dark and the stage is illuminated with lights, and the vaarks look on

The music is so intricate- it takes three keyboards to play it on! AND guitars.

And of course, Ernest on the Tubular Bells themselves. So atmospheric!

Ernest plays a set of Tubular Bells.

Now, as it’s getting late, it’s the last set for today from Salford – It’s DJ Dim featuring Fury! Look at the lights!

Right Here, right now

Right here, right now

Right here, right now

Right here, right now…

Fury is on stage wearing a studded belt and a necklace with her name on it

Yeah! Lasers! We’re really partying here! What a great end to the session!

Dim is at the DJ desk with headphones on, as lasers play across him.

Well, what a wonderful first day. Time to retire to our campervan, pods and tents.

Ernest whispered to Arnold that he’s very happy to have his best friend home again. And Arnold whispered that he’s glad to be back. Night night all! Don’t forget to enjoy all the fun on Sunday!

The vaarks are in their tents, with little lights on inside